Your Secret for a Calm Bedtime: The Old Wooden House Audiobook
💤 The Audiobook Designed So Kids Never Hear The End Of It
✔️ Professionally Narrated: Read by the author, a British voice actor with over 20 years' experience, in a perfectly mellifluous tone.
✔️ Strategically Dull Topics: We analysed and selected the most soporific themes (fruit, insects, family cosiness) to create a high 'Pleasantness Index' and a near-zero 'Surprise & Delight Index'.
✔️ Repetitive, Lulling Language: The audio is crafted with deliberate monotony to slowly lower heart rates, not raise them.
✔️ Tactical Pauses: The audio has frequent pauses from 3 to 15 seconds to let the listener slip between consciousness and sleep.
✔️ No Visuals: To allow the mind to relax completely without any stimulation.
The Perfect Bedtime Routine:
- Read them their exciting story.
- Turn on The Old Wooden House.
- Leave the room to get a glass of wine.
- Return to a peacefully sleeping child. (Usually within minutes!).▶️ [LISTEN TO 4-MIN SAMPLE]
🚼 Trusted by Tired Parents Worldwide:
🛌 "My son made it to 11 minutes. He fell asleep. I didn't expect the fairy tale to actually be 'soporific'!" – Julia V.
🛌 "I put it on for my daughter and I woke up on the floor 20 minutes later. She was fast asleep. It works a bit too well!" – A Friend
🎙️ As featured on BBC Radio Suffolk »
📻 As featured on Virgin Radio »
What you get with instant access:
- The full, professionally narrated MP3 audiobook.
- A DRM-free file you can download and listen to on any device, anytime.
- Your secret weapon for reclaiming your evening.
👉 Click "Buy this!" to download instantly, press 'Play' on a calm evening, and let your new British nanny take the next bedtime shift -- for less than the price of a pound of apples.
P.S. If you doze off - that's not a bug, it's a feature.
Hire a British nanny for less than a coffee. The audiobook designed to put kids to sleep so you don't have to.